


Losing Him

by coolpointsetta



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Wartime, proof that Starscream does have a spark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolpointsetta/pseuds/coolpointsetta
Summary: Starscream could lie and say he was prepared to loose everything, but then again, that would be a lie.
Relationships: Soundwave/Starscream (Transformers)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Losing Him

**Author's Note:**

> So I actually didn't start shipping these two until recently, but the more I think about it the more obvious this ship became to me. It's such a same they didn't get more time together or more special moments. And correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think they appeared together in RID either which is a loss. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

They had talked about what would happen if one them disappeared or died during their relationship. 

Many, many times they'd talked about it. 

They had been hesitant to talk about it at first, given that it is a conversation that no one particularly wants to have with their significant other, but given how thirsty Cybertron was getting for blood, it was a conversation that needed to be had. 

So, after every high-stake Gladiator Pit fight, after every time Starscream was almost killed in a back alley by some creeps who were trying to get lucky, they talked about it. They continued to talk about it when the War started; they talked and talked about it until they were both sick of the conversation, but they knew they would have it again. 

They'd talked about it after Thundercracker and Skywarp disappeared, and five out of six of Soundwave's minicons were killed or went missing. 

They'd talked about it when they'd first gotten together; Soundwave didn't allow them to move any farther until they discussed it and made a plan. 

They'd talked many, many times what would happen if one of them died or disappeared in the war. 

It's war. People die. They knew this. 

They ultimately agreed to move on. If the War was still going on, they would continue to fight. If the War was over, they would move on and find a new partner, someone to make them happy and feel safe. They agreed to not dread on it too much, to not waste their lives away over it. 

They prayed and hoped they would never die and they would never have to live out their promises, but this was war. This was the Decepticons. This was the Autobots, who wouldn't hesitate to deliver the final shot because the Decepticons wouldn't hesitate either. 

They knew Megatron didn't give a scrap if they lived or died, as long as the cause continued on. 

Days before Cybertron went dark, Soundwave had to leave. Megatron wanted him aboard the Nemesis to serve as his third in command and as his communications officer in their journey to Earth, a far away planet that was rich in energon deposits. Starscream was instructed to stay behind, to try and save what was left of the planet before rejoining the main fleet. 

When they met again on the Nemesis, they were so happy to see each other they neglected to bring up the conversation again. Between Megatron leaving and returning with Dark Energon, or Starscream fighting everyday not to be killed by both the Autobots and Megatron's blade, the conversation was swept under the rug. 

Their late nights were spent comforting each other, how they were simply happy the other was alive. 

They hadn't had the conversation for a long time (part of that being that Starscream left the Decepticon cause for just over a year, and Soundwave barely heard from him in that time), because they didn't feel there was a need to. The Autobot base was destroyed and their remaining enemies were scattered to the winds, not much of a threat. Starscream returned to the Decepticon cause; he returned to his long lost lover. 

They didn't talk about it because there was no reason to. The Decepticons had basically won this War. After millennia, after thousands dead, they had nearly won. 

But then the stronghold in Jasper fell. 

They still didn't have the conversation, refused to talk about it. They still didn't feel a need to. 

When the Autobots had stormed the Nemesis a few weeks later, Starscream and Soundwave became seperated in their own agendas to try and uphold the Decepticon cause, to try and continue to fight another day. Starscream only knew that Soundwave was still in the bridge, hoping to hold off the Wreckers from overtaking it. Starscream went off to the Omega Lock 2.0 to try and stop the Autobots on that front. 

Starscream had gotten tangled up with Arcee pretty quick, unable to do much else than dodge her blades of wrath and hate and keep them away from his optics. 

And then Megatron was killed. Stabbed, straight through the spark by the pitiful scout he had gunned down not five minutes before.

Shockwave had dragged him out of the room towards the stasis pod ejection area. 

It was there Starscream realized someone wasn't with them. 

"No!" Starscream wretched his arm out of Shockwave's grasp, scratching at the blastered arm that tried to wrap around him and pull him into the only remaining pod. "I will _not_ leave him!" 

Shockwave's antenna twitched and his optic darkened briefly, but he only continued to try and pull Starscream into the pod. "Starscream, I have already told you; do not be a fool!" 

Starscream growled and used both servos to push off of Shockwave's chest, ignoring the protests of the scientist. He rushed to the doorway, the large metal moving aside for him automatically when he got to it. He peered outside, looking around madly for the mech he loved. 

Soundwave was nowhere in sight, but Starscream did see the short white and tall green Wreckers walking in his direction. 

"Hey, Screamer!" One of them called, but Starscream could barely focus on it as Shockwave wrapped his servo around his neck, pulling as hard as he could. 

Starscream barely had time to protest the movements as Shockwave shoved him into the pod before he stepped in after. It was cramped, it was stuffy, but Starscream did everything he could to get out. 

"Shockwave! You're abandoning Soundwave! He will become a prisoner of the Autobots if we do not wait for him!" Starscream protested as he felt a sob begin to lodge in his throat.

"Go back! Go back!" Starscream wailed desperately, pounding against Shockwave as he tried to open the pod door again. 

Shockwave said nothing for a moment, trying to begin the activation sequence before the Autobots could run into the pod bay and capture them. 

Starscream may be willing to sacrifice their lives on the off chance that Soundwave would find them in time, but Shockwave wasn't. 

Shockwave only continued to enter coordinates in the pod's computer, and it blinked three times in confirmation. "Starscream, Soundwave will be able to make his own exit from the Autobots. We must look after ourselves for now." 

"Frag you and frag your logic." Starscream muttered, shoving a little harder than needed against the larger scientist. "We should not have left him." 

Shockwave made a noise that sounded almost like a sigh. "Starscream, you know as well as I that Soundwave is a highly capable warrior. Logically speaking, he will be fine." 

Starscream said nothing, merely looked out of the pod's back window and watched the _Nemesis_ fade from view. 

He wanted to believe that, he really did. But there was a terrible feeling pooling in his gut that Soundwave wasn't alright. 

The unlikely pair landed on Cybertron and set up base in one of Shockwave's many underground labs. 

Starscream waited everyday for Soundwave to arrive. Everyday he looked up at the stars, hoping he would see Soundwave flying towards him. Everyday he checked the computers still linked with the Nemesis and their space bridge for a green portal to open across the planet. 

No one ever came. 

Shockwave somehow got a hold of tapes from the _Nemesis_ and after he watched them himself, showed them to Starscream. 

The Seeker watched as Soundwave opened one portal to send the human children into, a swirl of pride leaking into his spark. Soundwave began walking forward, seemingly holding the ground bridge in his own servo at the children. The pride faded into fear as before a second portal was opened behind him. 

There was a bright flash of light and when it faded, Soundwave was gone. 

But not _gone_. Starscream was familiar with what could happen with two ground bridge portals opening beside each other. 

Soundwave, his seemingly immortal and untouchable lover, was stuck in the Shadowzone. 

And he had no way to reach him, talk to him, touch him. 

Starscream said nothing to Shockwave, other than he would be happy to travel halfway across the planet to go find a bone that might not even be there. 

Whether Shockwave heard the shakiness of his voice or not; the emotionless drone was polite enough not to comment on it for once. 

So Starscream transformed and flew, silent the whole way. He turned his thrusters on overdrive, not caring as he got notifications in his HUD that he was over exerting himself. He continued to push himself, going faster and faster until he was at the fastest he could possibly go. 

He reached his destination in record time. Not that he cared. 

Starscream turned his nose cone sky ward, flying up a small ways before he transformed and allowed himself to free fall, landing with a hard thud on the metal ground below. Some of the metal caved to his pedes and cracked, but Starscream couldn't bring himself to care. 

Starscream kicked a small rock, watching as it flew a small distance before it hit a large hunk of rubble. 

"Idiot. You absolute idiot." Starscream said softly. He shook his head a little and tsked his glossa. 

There were tears at the edges of his optics, a lump in his throat. 

He was free to shed those tears if he needed, and he knew he needed it. He deserved it. Primus knows that Shockwave wouldn't notice if he was gone for an extended period of time getting his tears out, the emotionless Cybertronian was too busy trying to clone new Predacons for their army. 

Starscream allowed a few tears to fall, but he did not allow himself to openly sob. 

If Starscream closed his optics and focused hard enough, he could feel Soundwave's digits pressing against his plating, could hear the soft Cybertronian music he would play through his speakers to calm down his Seeker. Starscream could still hear the silent argument he would be having with Starscream, about how it was okay for him to feel and cry and be emotional right now. 

The Decepticons had lost the war, they had lost their leader. 

But Starscream lost the one mech he truly, honestly cared about. The one mech who understood him was gone. 

If Starscream focused hard enough, he could still picture the two of them, sitting in Soundwave's quarters, comforting each other before they fell into recharge. 

"You glitch. You son of a glitch." Starscream's legs suddenly gave out from under him and he let himself fall, landing on his knees and then on his servos, before he collapsed onto his side, curled up in a fetal position. 

"Only you could do this to yourself. Only you, perfect Soundwave. The mech who has never made a mistake in his life." Starscream muttered, curling a little more on himself. "You really left me like this, knowing you are neither alive nor dead. But I have no way to reach you, no way to know where you are." 

He wasn't sure how long he laid there, sprawled out on the metal floors of what used to be Praxus, sobbing quietly. 

He knew it was shorter than what it felt like, but if he could have it his way, he would lay there until he offlined. 

"Soundwave, it was supposed to be me." Starscream spoke for the first time in hours, his voice box creaking from the silence it just endured. "Megatron was always going to kill me sooner or later, it was supposed to be me." 

_Megatron_

Starscream's tears suddenly stopped and his optics dried as if he hadn't been crying at all. His spark twisted and lurched as he forced himself to sit up before he slowly forced himself to stand. He looked down at the puddle of lubricant tears that had pooled around his head in the past few hours and scoffed at himself. 

"Pathetic." Starscream said to himself and he scoffed again, looking up and out towards the horizon. 

"We promised each other we would move on, Soundwave." Starscream said quietly, his voice slowly building in confidence. "If you were alive and I were dead, you would continue to fight for the cause." 

Starscream turned on his scanners and wiped the last of the tears from his face. "So that is what I will do. What I must do." 

Starscream smirked as a Predacon bone pinged on his scanner, not to far from him. 

"For you, Soundwave." Starscream began a slow walk forward as he looked up at the stars above. "I will do it for you."


End file.
